Bats and Spiders

I had an interesting encounter whilst walking the dog last night: I got brushed on the cheek by a bat.  It was one of the softest touches I've ever been touched by.  Softer than silk sheets, softer than a loving kiss by your partner.  It lasted just a fraction of a second, so quick that at first I doubted it happened, but then the bat flew right in front of my eyes.  I know some of you will recoil when you read this, but I thought it was just awesome. 

Think about how great bats are.  A single bat can eat up to 1200 mosquitoes in an hour!  Plus, some species are fruit or nectar eaters, so the help pollinate the plants and flowers.  Holy crap!  Yes, they could be filthy, but I think I'll take a dirty flying rat (basically) instead of around 1000 mosquitoes. 

This brings me to the next subject: spiders.  But before you brutally squish that eight-legged critter, think on this: they eat tons of bugs too.  I know some are just disgusting to look at, but what they do is incredible!  And their webs....wow!  There's nothing quite so beautiful as a spider's web wet with dew first thing in the morning!

Stupidity

Everyone is ignorant about something.  You, me, the neighbor, the person you buy coffee from on the way to work....everyone.  However, it is seeming that more and more people are becoming more and more stupid about driving.  Lets review a few items regarding driving, shall we?
First:  If you have trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time...HANG UP THAT FUCKING CELL PHONE!!!  More accidents are occurring because idiot drivers are yapping away and not paying attention to the road.  People...you are driving a piece of metal and plastic that weighs close to (or over) one ton.  If you aren't paying attention, that semi that out-weighs you by a factor of oodles (oodles = random double digit number) will drive over your expensive tiny import that you paid a lot of money for.  AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT, MORON!!!!  Either that, or you will kill someone.  Hopefully yourself and remove your genes from the collective pool.  You win the Darwin Award!
Yesterday, some idiotic lady started turning left at an intersection.  Right in front of on-coming traffic.  She was on her phone, and had the balls to actually look surprised when people were honking at her.  I can't count the number of times someone blabbing away cruised right through a red light and almost hit another car.
Second: if the traffic lights at an intersection are totally out, TREAT IT LIKE A FOUR-WAY STOP, IDIOT!!!  Don't blissfully cruise on through like you own the entire road (trust me, you don't).  That is, unless you want a slightly delayed, yet rather interesting trip to the local emergency room.  And you don't mind paying the tons of hospital bills that you will get from the people you injur by your stupidity.  And your insurance rates going up (probably for the fifth or sixth time).
Third: I know that it's a complete and total surprise every year, but some people forget that yes it does indeed snow once in a while, but DON'T DRIVE 70 MILES AN HOUR ON THE FREEWAY IN THE FUCKING SNOW AND GO 30 MILES AN HOUR IN THE RAIN!!!  YOU HAVE IT BACKWARDS!!!!  It's because of idiots like you that there are wrecks on the freeway.  I grew up in Seattle (rain capital of the nation, apparently), and know how to drive in the rain.  People here in Ohio, I guess, forget every year, month and week, how to drive in falling water and decide to take it reeeeeeeaaaaal careful.  However, in the winter, they go as fast as they do in the summer, and are actually surprised when they are suddenly facing the opposite way, on the other side of the freeway, upside down.  I'm not saying they should drive 80 in the rain, but don't go 30 either.

Long Absence Explained

Hi all!  It's been a long time since my last post, and I apologize for that.  I've been spending most of my time trying to chase after a 15 old little girl.  That's teething.  And climbing.  And falling.  *Sigh*  I haven't read much lately, or seen much or listened to much, that isn't young child related.  However, Kiera absolutely loves The Backyardigans. 

One Year Old!!

Aye, as hard as it is to believe it was one year ago today that my daughter was brought into this world.  The weather was rather similar, full of February snow, biting wind, and bone-chilling cold.  We had actually gone into the hospital the evening of the 8th, expecting to be induced that night.  However, with several other women coming in that were dialated several centimeters or whose water had already broken, we were pushed back.  We finally got a room on the 9th, fairly early if memory serves correctly.  I don't remember all the details, but I do remember that I was REALLY glad that OSU Hospital had a Wendy's that was open pretty much 24/7.  Anyway, after 31 hours of induction with no real results to speak of, it was decided that Paula would have a C-Section.  She was all drugged up, I was given the smock, hat, and mask.  They wheeled her into the operating room, and I was told to wait until they came for me.  Needless to say, I was extremely nervous, and resorted to pacing.  I think I made deals with every deity that came to mind, and some that I made up, to have my wife and child make it through this fine.  Finally, they came and got me.  The doctors were on one side of Paula (the side they needed to work on, obviously), and a sheet was up blocking Paula's sight and mine of the cutting area.  For some reason, they didn't want either of us to watch the cutting, because we might faint.  She might, but I find that kind of thing really fascinating.

Anyway, they brought me in just a couple minutes before the arrival.  I had a digital camera ready, and was perched on a stool.  I told Paula several times that I love her.  And then, the doctor said "here she comes".  I stood up and took a few pictures as Kiera Siobhan Bird was introduced to the world.  Eight pounds, eight ounces of bloody, screaming beauty.  So gorgeous.  I knew right then of what new fathers talk about...that tugging of the heartstrings, the melting of whatever ice they have about them, warming to a snug, cozy fire that the child will always be safe near.
I cried.  I admit it, I cried.  Seeing such a beautiful little girl...one that I will do anything for.  One that I will (groan) buy tutus and ballerina outfits for.
Due to a mis-communication between me and a drugged-out Paula ( I was wrong, of course), it was 3 hours later that mommy and baby finally got to see each other.

It was a few days before we got to take her home.  Lola, the dog, was REEEEEAAALLLLYYY inquisitive about the new "thing" we brought home.  She put her front feet on a chair and looked into the bassinet several times, wagging her tail.  Whenever Kiera cried, Lola would come running, like "what's wrong, can I help?"  Now?  It's more like "Oh kid, be quiet."  Of course, now that Kiera's walking, Lola has to run upstairs if she wants a reprieve.  Needless to say, Lola spends most of her time on either our bed or the spare.

Yes, she's walking.  She took a few tentative steps at Christmas, then really got going at Grandma and Grandpa Bird's in Iowa.  Now, she walks wherever she wants to go.

This year has been nothing but firsts for us: First baby, first crawling, walking, meeting doggy, LONG trip in car.  It hasn't all been roses, but it's been nowhere near sewer either.  Except for that hot-dog issue a few nights ago...PEEEEEEW!!!

And so, to my baby girl, I wish a very happy first birthday, I love you very much.  To all my friends and facebook friends that read this, I welcome your comments.

Bah! Humbug! Just kidding!

I'll be the first to admit that my sense of humor is a bit off-kilter from what most here in the U. S. would consider "normal".  For example, I'll usually cheer for the mad serial killer in the movies (Jason Voorhees, Freddy Kruger, etc), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (with Jim Carrey) makes me laugh out loud, and I love British comedy.
Now that I've said that, you'll understand why Christmas is one of my favorite times of year.  It has some of THE BEST twisted music!  Not only Dr. Demento, but Bob Rivers has put out several CDs.
I also came across the following piece when I was more into Warhammer 40,000...it was on the bulletin board that Games Workshop had at that time.  I make no claims to ownership or authorship, but I'm posting it here for everyone's entertainment.
If you want some clarification or definitions, take a look at my posting on 9/11 for more info of the Warhammer 40,000 setting.
Enjoy!

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Begin Transmission
Repetition of General Directive 264-A-XCIV
To: Distribution, Sectorium Primus
From: Office of The Grand Inquisitor, Ebineezar Grinchanius
Re: Yearly Chaos Incursion
This purpose of this notice is to remind the forgetful of the annual visitation by the minion of Chaos known to the unworthy as Santa Claus.
+++ The Emperor's Light Banishes the Shadows of Heresy +++
As the diligent will recall, the incursion occurs regularly every 8742 to 8766 terran hours, roughly corresponding to a terran year. This trespass has occurred with disturbing regularity since at least the Horus Heresy, and perhaps longer, as many records were misplaced.
+++ Love and Obey the Emperor +++
The faithful will recognize the target on sight, as his garb and gear mark him immediately as an agent of the abominations.
Santa Claus is a corpulent, bloated creature approximating the human form. It wears a crimson tunic the color of fresh blood, marking him as a possible follower of Khorne. It is bearded, mocking the honorable Squats, and its hair is a sallow shade of gray, betraying its unnatural age. Be advised that despite the creatures fearsome name, no claws have been observed, and the former is likely a ruse.
The target has been observed in the company of smaller creatures having the appearance of thin (less than 30 kg, approx.), stunted (1.5 meters) humanoids with pointed ears. Their appearance suggests the involvement of the decadent Eldar, and although that race denies involvement (*reference the Rudolphian Campaign [index 4111-BGE-MMXCII-Primus], specifically the Battle of Yukon Cornelius IV [ibid., index 6]*), agents are advised to be prepared for their involvement, as the Eldar are known for their deceitful ways.
Santa Claus is conveyed by means of a grav-sled powered by unnatural livestock as detailed below.
The target's vehicle is a grav-sled. It has superfluous runners which are used only on landing and take-off. Despite the appearance, no frozen water is necessary for its operation (another ruse). The vehicle's resemblance to the foul Palanquin of Nurgle should not be discounted, even though the colors continue to be reminiscent of Khorne.
The device is powered by the unholy ministrations of eight or nine quadrupeds. Ordo Malleus scholars have identified these creatures as warped versions of an extinct species of terran mammal known as a Moose (reference 900002-ER-CIV). These beings single-mindedly pull the target's vehicle during its yearly invasion. They are outfitted with belled harnesses which are apparently imbued with the ability of flight. These beasts have been likened to the Fiends of Slaanesh, and such a comparison should not be dismissed too lightly, as the creatures shed a luminous substance as effluent as they move. Inquisitors should take care to avoid exposure.
Perhaps more disturbing is the variable number of the minion-creatures. On occasion, a ninth Moose has been observed, placed before the other Mooses. This creature radiates a sickly reddish glow from its snout, as a psychic beacon to other followers of the Vile Ones. This Chaotic device has allowed the target to navigate despite our best efforts to jam its navigation systems.
+++ Blessed is the Virtue of Blind Faith +++
Santa Claus gains entry to the domiciles of loyal Imperial Citizens (see below) and leaves small Chaos Rewards to tempt the faithful.
Inquisitors are reminded to confiscate and incinerate these items before any lasting damage is done. As a localized temporal distortion field is in effect around the target, these items are secreted in the habitations of the Imperium at exactly 2400 hours in every location defiled by the creature. It is therefore possible to gain entry to the citizens' cretches and remove the items (often cunningly hidden in footwear) before the citizens are aware of the heresy that has been committed upon them.
In other cases, removal of the items after the citizens have discovered them is possible. In such situations, small children are occasionally loath to surrender the items, as the tainting of the juveniles has already begun. Executions of the above are to be handled in the most expedient manner possible.
Often, juveniles that are well within the Emperor's Grace are given small blocks of graphite ore rather than the more tempting gifts visited upon the less faithful. The identity of these individuals are to be recorded, as future recruitment into the Inquisition or Adeptus Terra is possible. [Note: Inquisitors or other agents who do *not* receive the graphite stones should be watched carefully]
Santa Claus enters the domiciles be way of heating ducts and waste vents. The size of the opening is not a factor, as the creature can adjust its mass and displacement by means of psychic manipulation. Mining these openings with frag, krak and other demolitions has proven unsuccessful.
The creature egresses by the same means, after ritually caressing his nostrils. No mucus has ever been recovered.
+++ The Death of Emperor's Enemies is the Only Gift We Can Give +++
Although all previous attempts at the destruction of Santa Claus have failed, Inquisitors are urged to make such an attempt whenever possible.
However, of more importance is the suppression of cultist activity associated with the yearly incursion. The Tainted have been known to erect shrines in their homes in the form of shrubbery adorned with baubles and lights [Note: the shrubbery is often highly flammable, and offers a discrete method of executing the offending heretics without calling undue attention to the operation]. Other warning signs include: hallucinations involving sugared candies during slumber; excessive singing; references to 'A magical time of year' (note the influence of Tzeentch); the construction of effigies made of snow; and the performance of Slaanesh rituals while underneath plant clippings of the genus _phoradendron flavescens_.
Once again, executions should be handled in an expedient manner.
End Transmission
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End.