Music that has impacted my life, Vol 2

     For my second foray into the music that has impacted me, will be a group that I frequently mention on Facebook.  Like…at least once a week or so. They are vulgar. They are irreverent. They are Gwar.

     I first got into Gwar in 1993. I was stationed in Virginia Beach at the time, not that far from where they are from, Richmond Virginia. I forget how I heard about them, but remember that they put on some brutal live shows, and people constantly got hurt (more on that later).  I went to the mall located near the Oceana Naval Air Station one time, and was looking for something new to buy.  I came across their only EP released the previous year, The Road Behind.  I liked it.  Then, I got the full length album where the song The Road Behind was from, America Must be Destroyed.

     Just….wow.

     First off, everything that Gwar says? Yeah, take it with a MASSIVE grain of salt. 

     Here’s their “mythos”:

GWAR's story begins at the beginning of time when the Master, a giant planet sized mass of flesh, shat out the entire universe. After viewing his creation, he decided it needed wiping. Thus, the Master created the Scumdogs of the Universe, an army of intergalactic pirates, warriors, and psychopaths who pledged allegiance to him, GWAR amongst them. Along with the Master's most loyal servant, Techno Destructo, GWAR and the Scumdogs of the Universe waged chaos across the universe, but GWAR invoked the Master's ire by blowing up the wrong planet (Flarv Quarv 7, rather than Flarv Quarv 6 as they were instructed).

GWAR was immediately defeated by the Master in combat and exiled to the backwards mud-ball planet Earth for eternity. But even in exile, the members of GWAR still managed to enjoy themselves- they invented rock music by stretching dinosaur guts across the grand canyon, killed the dinosaurs, and accidentally created humanity after raping a bunch of gorillas. From there, they would go about wrecking human civilizations until the Master found out about their activities on Earth, and so, he froze them in ice and locked them away in a temple in Antarctica.

Thousands of years later in 1984, music mogul Sleazy P. Martini stumbled upon their hidden temple after fleeing from the U.S. for drug trafficking and crashing his helicoptor in the Antarctic. A combination of global warming and sunlight reflecting off his gold chains melted GWAR's icy prison. They attempt to kill Sleazy, but he quickly wins their favor by hooking them on crack and convincing them to let him be their new band manager. Shortly after this, they discovered the band Death Piggy and convinced the band members to join them as their personal slaves and/or butt-boys, and decided to continue this tradition, while at the same time kidnapping and mutating other humans to become their slaves and minions.

They would then go on to become one of the most renowned rock bands ever, and would attempt to either escape, conquer, or destroy the earth multiple times, facing deadly enemies such as Techno Destructo, the Devil, Dr. Skulhedface, Cardinal Syn, and many others.

(https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/GWAR)

     Ok, back to America Must be Destroyed.  There is so much suggestive, and…to be honest…flagrant…topics of sex, sex organs, and violence in that album, it’s not funny.  Well…ok, the way they present it is.  If you have a dark sense of humor.  I must admit that I was a little put off by some of the subject matter at first. But then I started really looking at the lyrics and realized…yeah, this is totally fake and over the top.

     I think I have two favorite songs on this album, although they are ALL good.  First is The Morality Squad.  This song takes an over-the-top look at certain groups like PMRC (Parent’s Music Resource Center) that want to put limits on artistic expression on music groups like Gwar, 2 Live Crew, Judas Priest, etc. With lyrics like “Freedom for all the people, brave, true and strong.  Freedom for all the people, unless I think you’re wrong”, and “Gwar, you’re the worst, I’ll put an end to you.  You’re even grosser than 2 Live Crew”, it’s kind of obvious.  There’s even a “commercial” for a fight-to-the-death match between Granbo (the leader) and her Morality Squad vs Gwar, and it sounds like one of those radio commercials that you’d hear on the radio for a Monster Truck event.

     My second favorite song is the title track, “America Must be Destroyed”.  This song actually has no lyrics, but vocal samples from different movies and musicians, and included something from the Challenger disaster.  I know of the Challenger sample taken from NASA footage, Dr. Strangelove, and stuff from The Last Poets “White Man’s Got a God Complex”.  There are others, but I couldn’t find out what they are.  The song starts out with a syncopated rhythm then fades into a driving, yet simple, rhythm that almost immediately gets my head bobbing. 

     Fast forward more than a decade, and Gwar releases Beyond Hell.  To be honest, I hadn’t followed Gwar at all after America.  It was basically an accident that I re-discovered them.  I was thumbing through a free weekly newspaper (mostly ads, a horoscope, some local things like art galleries, and…concerts) in Columbus, Ohio (my home since 2000).  I saw an ad that Gwar was coming with Cradle of Filth (!!!!) (they get their own post later), both had released new albums, come see them, yada yada.  I thought to myself: ”You know….tickets are only $20. It’s not a work night. When will I have a chance to see them again? And two bands.”  So, I convinced…er…begged…my wife to let me go.  I got the newest album, Beyond Hell, and listened to it so I wouldn’t be too lost. 

     Basically, Beyond Hell is a concept album where the entire thing is a story, and each song is a piece of that story.  The military decides to attack the Gwar fortress in Antarctica.  Gwar fights back, the fortress was destroyed, and Gwar flees into the UnderEarth below the fortress.  They go down so far that they emerge in Hell, fight all the big-wigs including Satan himself.  They defeat Him (well, duh), and find their way back up to their fortress, only to find that almost no time had passed.  Their manager sent over a nine-ton crack boulder, they smoke it, and things are fine once more (see mythos above for crack issue).

     I was only familiar with a few of Gwar’s songs… and most of the ones played at the concert…yeah. I didn’t know.  But it was a GREAT show.  No, I didn’t get in the mosh pit that time. Since then, I’ve seen them three other times, and have been in the mosh pit for all of those.  Gwar has the roughest, rowdiest mosh pit I’ve been in. If you lose your mind and decide to go see them, definitely stretch first. I didn’t one time, and my knees were so sore the next day. Be warned, however.  They “kill” people on stage.  Politicians. Musicians. Celebrities.  And in really graphic, yet hysterical ways.  Don’t worry, it’s all foam rubber, latex, and a water-based fake blood.  That blood…they shoot out into the crowd during some songs via various ways: “decapitation”, dismemberment, etc. Gwar fans that have been to several shows wear white t-shirts to see how “bloody” they can get themselves. Unfortunately, even after baking in the dryer to set the colors in, they still came clean in the wash. Dangit.

     The songs on Beyond Hell are great.  I don’t think there’s a single one that I don’t enjoy.  The story itself is intriguing, the lyrics are properly descriptive, and the story comes to a predictable yet satisfying close. 

     I think my favorite song on this album is “War Is All We Know”.  It has a fast driving tempo, and lyrics that describe a Gwar battle rather well, including some well written descriptives.  This song is the beginning of the Beyond Hell story, where armies are attacking the Gwar fortress in Antarctica, and Gwar is getting their butts handed to them.  There are some intriguing tempo changes both at the begging and later towards the end of the song. I can only describe it as kind of like a machine slowly starting then getting up to speed.  Bum….bum….bum bum bum bumbumbum.  The song slows down for a bit in the middle, but it really fits.

     Gwar also did a cover of Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” on this album.  To be honest, I’m not sure which version is better.  Cooper’s original version is just fantastic, and I can’t think of anyone doing it justice.  However, the spin that Gwar put on it really makes it their own.  You can find the video of that song here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PexuypIX8uU

     After Beyond Hell, I dusted off the one other album of theirs I had, and started collecting them again.  Some of their stuff between America and Beyond Hell wasn’t that great. They were experimenting with their sound.  They finally got back to a pure metal sound with “Violence Has Arrived” in 2001.

     Gwar’s music is loud, violent, and sometimes disturbing, yet darkly humorous.  There is some real musical talent in the song writing, though.  A warped sense of humor helps.